My fucking brain

Who could be deaf enough to make this kinda ear destruction a valid form of pandering? Is it those same creepy fucks who made maid cafes a thing?

…It is, isn’t it? Fuck.

Mutsuki

Here, have some Satanic verses:

And if you thought Mutsuki was bad, just try Uzuki. I’m sure there’s an uki pun in here somewhere, but I’m not nearly shameless enough to try and float one of those.

Uzuki

I’m convinced these two only exist to set the feminist movement back a century.

Uggos

Is this a joke? There’s being “unattractive by conventional standards”, and then there’s being a walking argument for eugenics.

Someone needs to introduce those girls’ cheeks to the concept of anorexia, cuz Dizzy Gillespie is not my ideal waifu.

Boring

Either visually or aurally, these girls are as forgettable as

It’s not that I wouldn’t fuck them, it’s that I wouldn’t remember it in the morning. Actually, wait, did I get that backwards? I wouldn’t fuck them, but if I did, it’d be because I wouldn’t remember it in the morning?

…fuck this, I’m just gonna one-hand it. Ship girls are complicated.

Asashio Class

Not even worth the effort to recycle, these ships are due for a scuttling.

Sorry, Ocean-chan. We’ll make it up to you later. You like oil?

Kid Cancer

I’m neither a British politician nor a Subway mascot, so these kids aren’t doing much for my dick.

Okay, but really, who the fuck even eats Subway? Even Jimmy John’s tastes better, and I’m pretty sure their food is sourced from the gutter.

These girls don’t have much going for them beyond achieving “not awful” status, so don’t expect much beyond a list.

Hamakaze is the biggest disappointment here. She’s so good until you hear her voice, and then…

I’m sorry I had to put you through that, but you deserved to know. :/

Nenohi

Don’t write off Neno just cuz she’s a loli. This girl’s a fucking idol in the making:

And yeah, maybe you listen to that right after putting it in your Kancolle waifus post and you’re like, “Shit, was I thinking of a different girl? I sort of want to beat the vocal cords out of her body right now.” But then you realize it’s already 1 AM and fuck if you’re gonna re-do the tier lists this late in the fucking game — she’s staying in.

Shiratsuyu

Shiratsuyu’s VA comes across like she’s taking the piss with every fucking line, and it sounds as great as the concept does.

Get paid, girl.

Amatsukaze & Isokaze

These designs are good enough for me to save you from the mediocrity of the voice acting. Just make up your own personalities for these two.

Kawakaze

Cuz who doesn’t wanna fuck a gangster-ass ship? Seriously, if you know anyone like that, you need to aim for better social links — ain’t worth trying to max them all in one playthrough anyway.

Shimakaze

Just kidding. Shimakaze is garbage, and anyone who’d waifu her deserves their predictable lot in life.

This tier is non-existent for destroyers, as I would hope most of you already guessed from the blatant set-up.